Some Humor for those who can appreciate it.50 ways to annoy Sauron... (and possibly get yourself killed!) 1. Offer him Visine at inappropriate moments. 2. Mock his choice in becoming an Eye. Wouldn't a Mouth or a Hand be easier?3. Knock on bedroom doors around Mordor late at night and complain that you had a bad dream. 4. Train his armies to sing "The Ants Go Marching One By One." 5. During secret evil plotting meetings, raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom in a whiny voice. Squirm a lot if he says no. 6. Tell Sauron "Wormtongue said you're looking fatter." 7. Tell Wormtongue "Sauron said you're looking fatter."8. Then throw a party and force both to sit through it. Sitting next to each other. 9. Whenever possible, work a phrase about body parts in, such as "reach out your hand and take it." Then stare pointedly at him and apologize. 10. Convince him to engage in staring contests with you. 11. Chastise him for talking to people he doesn't know over the palantir. It could be dangerous! 12. When he tells you he's only been talking to Saruman, mock him on his choice of friends. 13. Politely wonder out loud how such a powerful guy like him was having such trouble catching "one of those adorable little hobbits." 14. Ask him his opinion on Legolas's outfit and then chatter on about how you'll buy him one just like it after he gets his body back. 15. "Did anyone ever ask you out on a date? Did you ever even GO on a date? Ever??" 16. Ask him if he ever thought of seeing a psychoanalyst. 17. Randomly set out an alert for the Nazgul to hurry back to Mordor. Watch in laughter as they and Sauron bewilderedly try to find out why they are here. 18. Say that you "thought he needed a visitor!" 19. Buy him a kitten. Act mortally offended when he doesn't want to pet it. 20. When he does decide to pet it, pull it away saying, "You can't! You'll give it third degree burns!" 21. Better yet, pull it away saying, "You can't! You don't have any hands! So THERE!" 22. Ask him if he flosses. Do so regularly. 23. During his speeches to his minions, loudly hum patriotic tunes in the background. 24. Make him watch the Godfather. 25. Make him watch the Princess Bride. 26. Tell him you already read the end of Lord of the Rings and it may not turn out like you think... 27. If ever there should arise a reason for him to say "Doom," you, in the background, make echoing noises ("Doom, doom, doom, doom...") 28. Redecorate Barad-dur. Include lots of pastel and potted plants. 29. If ever he reprimands anyone, shout at the person, "So, nyeah!" and stick your tongue out. 30. Get the Nazgul to play Go Fish with you every evening. 31. Place multiple spotlights around the top of Barad-dur and have them shine in all directions in a slight mockery of how his Eye sweeps around. When he confronts you about it, pout and say you were only trying to help, seeing as he only has one eye. 32. Buy him Mascara. Say that he may as well look pretty with what he has. 33. Cry out Dun dun dun! during any of his evil moments. Follow this with a wicked laugh. MWAhahahaha! 34. Read him bedtime stories. 35. Force him to come food shopping with you. Loudly ask him if he ran out of Flintstones Vitamins yet. 36. For Christmas, buy him under-roos, or rather ugly socks. 37. For his birthday, buy him a jewelry box, earrings, and a necklace to go in it. 38. Put a big emphasis on all the jewelry you buy him being silver. State all the time that gold is sooo last season. 39. Play Elton John CDs as loud as you can, especially at inopportune moments. 40. Make him read fanfics. Really bad ones. 41. Ask him continually if he wants to set up his own Lord of the Rings fan site. 42. Teach him swear words in foreign languages. If he actually uses them, scold him severely. 43. Sign him up for Cub Scouts. 44. Pat him on the head and offer him ice cream whenever the idea just hits you. 45. Make him watch reruns of Pinky and the Brain. Then continually ask him "So Brain, what are we doing tomorrow night?" Act upset when he doesn't respond correctly. 46. Read Cosmopolitan magazine during secret plotting meetings. When he tries to get your attention, look up bewilderedly and say, "Hmm?" 47. Get the Witch-king to read Cosmopolitan too. 48. Get him cheap plastic rings from the 50-cent gumball machines. Say, "See? This one is better! It has a pink jewel! You don't need that old thing." 49. Knit him sweaters. Really really horrible ones. 50. Sneak into the stables and braid bows into the manes of the Nazgul's horses.
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Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, Jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!
Regardless if he like Elton John I think you would be killed immediately after your first transgretion (or at the least tortured). I doubt you would ever be kept alive long enough to find out what he would do if you decorated Barad-Dur with pastel colouration and potted plants!
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Utúlie'n aurë! Aiya Eldalië ar Atanatári, utúlie'n aurë! Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva!
